I have just been trying to copy and paste a poem that God and I wrote back in February 2006 in Lebanon. I know that I have done this before but for some reason I don't seem able to do it today, strange...
Will try again later.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Monday, November 09, 2009
We've been so busy that it's virtually untrue. I have got a broken finger at the mo which makes typing really hard. So frustrating as I would love to get on with writing my book, I spose typos don't really matter as I can do the spellcheck afterwards but I'm just not used to running it. Will try and be better at updating, the main thing is that everyone here is well.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Excellent week with Kiefer, rather exhausted but thankful that we have come so far. I can see the progress now and it feels good.
Friday, September 18, 2009
To tie up loose ends is a good thing and something I will always recommend and approve of in people.
Grief - and what you do with it.
I don't have the answers but I'm just beginning to realise how many people I have watched die since the age of 4. I have been over-exposed to death and I believe that it's taken its' toll.
The first person who impacted me in this way was my best friend at school, a little girl called Anne. Anne had leukemia and wore a scarf on her head, I remember knowing that she was sick and I knew that she was really sick.
The thought that one day she would be gone and I could never see her again just wouldn't have occurred to me at that age, my mind couldn't have coped with that. Not surprising that my mind found inventive ways to block out painful memories and pain.
But she did die....... I don't remember anything about it.....so I am double grieving, grieving my friend and grieving my memories, because I don't have them. I know they're in there somewhere but I can't locate them. Somewhere in my mind is a secret, complicated filing system, password protected and I can't access my own information. How bloody frustrating!!!
I am feeling a bit sad tonight and a bit annoyed at how my own childish cleverness at a tender age appears to have backfired on me somewhat.
Maybe the next post will be happier but frankly, who cares? No-one reads this anymore that I am aware of anyway, I think I'm off most people's links pages now so hopefully there won't be any negative comeback for this blog entry.
We'll see.
The first person who impacted me in this way was my best friend at school, a little girl called Anne. Anne had leukemia and wore a scarf on her head, I remember knowing that she was sick and I knew that she was really sick.
The thought that one day she would be gone and I could never see her again just wouldn't have occurred to me at that age, my mind couldn't have coped with that. Not surprising that my mind found inventive ways to block out painful memories and pain.
But she did die....... I don't remember anything about it.....so I am double grieving, grieving my friend and grieving my memories, because I don't have them. I know they're in there somewhere but I can't locate them. Somewhere in my mind is a secret, complicated filing system, password protected and I can't access my own information. How bloody frustrating!!!
I am feeling a bit sad tonight and a bit annoyed at how my own childish cleverness at a tender age appears to have backfired on me somewhat.
Maybe the next post will be happier but frankly, who cares? No-one reads this anymore that I am aware of anyway, I think I'm off most people's links pages now so hopefully there won't be any negative comeback for this blog entry.
We'll see.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Boundaries
How many time this subject has been covered in the last 7 years years I don't know but they still need work. Does it mean I am mad to keep making other people happy at the cost of my own happiness? Yes, but I discovered last night that I have a partner in crime who is just as bad as me. We need to help each other more rather than encouraging each other to remain stuck in the cycle of unhelpful behaviour. It will be tricky but worth it.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Maybe I'm back
I just realised that things went more down the swanny when I didn't blog.
An attitude of thankfulness is a discipline and I was beginning to forget all about it.
So much has happened since last October I hardly believe it. Not much I really want to mention publicly because some of it is really horrible and involves me being a really horrible human being towards immediate family.
To break it down, I am a little ashamed of some of my mistakes but the thing about mistakes is that I can learn from them.
I am going to try to blog again. So hard when you've got out of the habit. The things going on round here right now are;
I'm job hunting, Gary is going to continue as househusband because that's what suits our family for now.
Gary is fine, enjoying going to circuits and started going to the gym again.
Ashleigh is doing grand at school and is just lovely really. She has been finally seduced by the Stephanie Meyer "Twilight" series and also by the Junior Handling dog bug. We hope to get her a puppy in October, all being good.
Kiefer is soooo tall, and skinny!! His jeans don't fit and he has to wear a belt....bless. His learning is progressing well and we are trying to help him to air his frustration in healthy ways, not easy but we're getting there.
Missi is lovely, just had her 11th birthday.
Nika is lovely too, 8 months old now, mad as a hatter but showing her socks off!!
Friday, October 17, 2008
The Dream
It is Friday 17th October. I dreamt this it is 4am and I woke up crying so am trying to remember it all. My only sibling is a sister who is ill and it is on my mind at the moment.
The Ice King and Queen had adverts in the paper for things that belonged to the younger sister who was sleeping. The older sister didn't like what they were doing so she tried to stop them selling the younger sisters' things. She tricked the King and Queen and said that she couldn't find things when people came knocking on the door, but the people who knocked were rich and famous so when the oldest daughter couldn't find them, the parents got angry and hit her when the callers had left.
Meanwhile the younger sister slept, unaware of what was happening. She had never spoken but was a weapon of great strength which the King and Queen used to control the older sister, who was easily frightened.
The oldest sister built up a lot of rage and hate for the King and Queen because of the way that her parents behaved and one night a famous couple who were known for their singing, and who were dressed in bright colours came knocking. The wanted the bedding off the younger sisters bed, and even though she was sleeping they woke the older sister and ordered her to go and get the bedding from her sister.
The older sister was terrified as her sister slept a lot and ddin't wake often, but deep down the older sister knew that when the younger sister woke she would be angry and fly into a terrible rage. She went to her sister and somehow managed to get her pillowcase without her sister waking and took the top blanket but was worried because she knew without it her sister would be cold and would surely wake up.
She took the blanket and pillowcase to the famous couple and quietly told them not to buy any more things from her parents because what they were doing was wrong. They handed her the money and left via her parents bedroom which was covered in furs in bright purple and pink. She led them down a spiral staircase and they begged her to come with them. They said they would take her somewhere safe and take care of her. She wished she could go but said she could not leave her sister but thanked them.
They left and the younger sister woke from her slumber and began screaming. The older sister had known this day would come and was very scared. She had the money in her hand and she knew her parents would not protect her. The younger sister hit her and the parents came running. They didn't try to stop the younger sister from attacking her older sister and just stood and watched with blank faces.
The older sister begged them to help her but they would not. She tried to shout at them but the words froze because the air was so cold. Sometime later the older sister handed the younger sister the money and pointed at the King and Queen. The younger sister seemed to understand the parents were at fault and turned on them. The parents pointed back to the older sister and said that it was her doing. The younger sister was confused and didn't know what to believe, the older sister was crying hard and was trying to explain, but again they just froze in her mouth.
Eventually the parents stepped in but encouraged the younger sister to hit the older sister. The older sister finally got her words out and cried "I am not your enemy, it is them making me take your things. Rich people knock on our door and they pay our parents for what is yours. They never come and take your things, they make me do it." The younger sister looked sad and came and took her sisters hand. She looked confused but shot a look of anger at her parents and turned and smiled at her older sister. She wanted to trust her, and they were now old enough to leave.
They went to the parents room and took some money, put on some of the furs and headed for the door. The Ice King and Queen looked angry and disappointed but the younger sister finally learned to speak and told them that she and her sister were leaving. The King and Queen tried to stop them and started shouting bad things about the older sister which made the younger sister angry and the older sister scared. The younger sister tried to attack her older sister again but the older sister said "Please don't hit me, I knew this is all new to you but I will help you to talk and you will never have to fight again. Please trust me." The parents seemed unable to be parents and try to explain why things were this way. They were like children themselves and their behaviour was frozen too. Nobody left the Ice Kingdom, they just stayed there, trapped until they died. The older sister decided she needed to be brave and again asked her sister if she was coming to the free land where all the living people lived. The Ice Princesses left and never looked back. They felt sad because it seemed as though their parents would stay frozen but they left and became friends who learned to love and laugh with each other.
The Ice King and Queen had adverts in the paper for things that belonged to the younger sister who was sleeping. The older sister didn't like what they were doing so she tried to stop them selling the younger sisters' things. She tricked the King and Queen and said that she couldn't find things when people came knocking on the door, but the people who knocked were rich and famous so when the oldest daughter couldn't find them, the parents got angry and hit her when the callers had left.
Meanwhile the younger sister slept, unaware of what was happening. She had never spoken but was a weapon of great strength which the King and Queen used to control the older sister, who was easily frightened.
The oldest sister built up a lot of rage and hate for the King and Queen because of the way that her parents behaved and one night a famous couple who were known for their singing, and who were dressed in bright colours came knocking. The wanted the bedding off the younger sisters bed, and even though she was sleeping they woke the older sister and ordered her to go and get the bedding from her sister.
The older sister was terrified as her sister slept a lot and ddin't wake often, but deep down the older sister knew that when the younger sister woke she would be angry and fly into a terrible rage. She went to her sister and somehow managed to get her pillowcase without her sister waking and took the top blanket but was worried because she knew without it her sister would be cold and would surely wake up.
She took the blanket and pillowcase to the famous couple and quietly told them not to buy any more things from her parents because what they were doing was wrong. They handed her the money and left via her parents bedroom which was covered in furs in bright purple and pink. She led them down a spiral staircase and they begged her to come with them. They said they would take her somewhere safe and take care of her. She wished she could go but said she could not leave her sister but thanked them.
They left and the younger sister woke from her slumber and began screaming. The older sister had known this day would come and was very scared. She had the money in her hand and she knew her parents would not protect her. The younger sister hit her and the parents came running. They didn't try to stop the younger sister from attacking her older sister and just stood and watched with blank faces.
The older sister begged them to help her but they would not. She tried to shout at them but the words froze because the air was so cold. Sometime later the older sister handed the younger sister the money and pointed at the King and Queen. The younger sister seemed to understand the parents were at fault and turned on them. The parents pointed back to the older sister and said that it was her doing. The younger sister was confused and didn't know what to believe, the older sister was crying hard and was trying to explain, but again they just froze in her mouth.
Eventually the parents stepped in but encouraged the younger sister to hit the older sister. The older sister finally got her words out and cried "I am not your enemy, it is them making me take your things. Rich people knock on our door and they pay our parents for what is yours. They never come and take your things, they make me do it." The younger sister looked sad and came and took her sisters hand. She looked confused but shot a look of anger at her parents and turned and smiled at her older sister. She wanted to trust her, and they were now old enough to leave.
They went to the parents room and took some money, put on some of the furs and headed for the door. The Ice King and Queen looked angry and disappointed but the younger sister finally learned to speak and told them that she and her sister were leaving. The King and Queen tried to stop them and started shouting bad things about the older sister which made the younger sister angry and the older sister scared. The younger sister tried to attack her older sister again but the older sister said "Please don't hit me, I knew this is all new to you but I will help you to talk and you will never have to fight again. Please trust me." The parents seemed unable to be parents and try to explain why things were this way. They were like children themselves and their behaviour was frozen too. Nobody left the Ice Kingdom, they just stayed there, trapped until they died. The older sister decided she needed to be brave and again asked her sister if she was coming to the free land where all the living people lived. The Ice Princesses left and never looked back. They felt sad because it seemed as though their parents would stay frozen but they left and became friends who learned to love and laugh with each other.
THE END
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